The Writer’s Life: Always Discontented?

Why can’t I get more writing done?…Nothing I write is any good.

I had my novel published, so what, now I have to prove I can keep producing.

As a writer, do you ever feel like you are never satisfied? Are you always discontented?

If you are, you are not alone. Most writers and creative types are known for being perfectionistic, self-critical, and often in a state of guilt for not doing more.

In our isolated world of writing, it is easy to have conversations where we beat ourselves up for not being better writers. We are a highly sensitive bunch and  hear many voices in our head. The discontented voices can become loud. They are always there, just waiting for an opportunity to pounce.

This week, I was reading posts on a website that combines creativity with healing.  It is called The Art of Mind: Exploring The Art of Creativity and Healing, by Lisa A. Riley, MA, MFT. I want to share one of her posts that resonated for me called, The Gift of Divine Discontent. Lisa begins her post by saying,

We all suffer to some degree of a chronic, low-grade discontent. So, we seek out the next goal to achieve, a new relationship, a new job, perhaps the next rush of adrenaline or the next “something else” that will bring fulfillment to our lives. The very thing we need to rid us of this unceasing desire and bring contentment. We even chant to ourselves a silent mantra, “When I get there, I can relax, enjoy life and then I will be happy.” Yet when we get there or obtain the object of our desire it only seems to temporarily quiet the hungry voice and before we know it, the gnawing starts up again.

In our eyes, such a recurring yearn can easily be interpreted as a deficiency in our life or lack in our character that needs to be remedied. When we interpret feelings of dissatisfaction in a negative light and succumb to the urgency for instant gratification, we are often left with an even greater longing for the next thing.

She states that our interpretation of these feelings may lead us to think that we are experiencing lack or deficiency. If we do, we conclude that we need to be “fixed” to feel whole.  This experience is so common in our culture and is the accepted way to function. “I feel lack, so it must be corrected and filled, NOW!”

How does this feeling of deficiency affect our writing and creative life?

We are driven by our need to create, which is also related to our need to feel whole. We assume logically, if we feel a lack, then we must not be trying hard enough. This initiates the cycle of self deprecation. At this point, we are in danger of  giving up, under-performing or experiencing depression.

What can we do about our perfectionism, a critical mind,  self-deprecation,  and feelings of chronic deficiency without losing our drive or entering depression?

First of all, change begins with a shift of perspective. Realize that these feelings of deficiency are part of who we are, of being human. They are part of the intuitions deep inside of us.  These feelings create the energy that drives us to create and evolve. Lisa Riley also states,

Experiencing the Divine Discontent is part of being human and even a natural quality of being an artist. It can drive us to push through moments of creative block and seek out innovative ideas. That said, let us embrace and welcome the presence of our Divine Discontent and let it become a muse that is channeled towards developing a productive artful life.

If feelings of discontent are part of who you are, then you are now challenged to accept and embrace more of yourself.

The next step is to take some of those disowned pieces of malcontent and lovingly put them back into place. If you watch your feelings of discontent and identify them when they arise, you will grow in awareness and self-acceptance. You can look at those thoughts and call them by name, “I see you, discontent, what do you want me to do today?” Have a discussion with your new friend, whom you thought was an enemy.

Discontent is there to serve you, not cut you to shreds.

Cultivating Gratitude

I love this quote on Lisa Riley’s post:

Discover your own discontent, and be grateful, for without divine discontent there would be no creative force.”– Deepak Chopra

This leads to my next suggestion as you begin the path of accepting your discontent. We have probably all read about the power of developing gratitude. Even Oprah keeps a gratitude journal. I am not just referring to the thankfulness that we feel when someone does a good deed for us or when we appreciate our blessings.  I am referring to a deeper sense of gratitude that sinks into our thoughts, emotions and down to the source of our being. It is a form of gratitude saturates everything we are and everything we do.

When we experience an emergency situation that threatens our life, the lives of loved ones, or a natural disaster killing thousands, you can feel that deep sense of gratitude for what you have. But that feeling slowly wanes and the voices of discontent return easily to drown out the gratitude. It is very easy to forget this state of gratitude in our culture and in our creative lives.

Our sense of deficiency is one of the blinders that block gratitude.  And, if we sink deeply into gratitude, deficiency automatically disappears.

What if you could cultivate this sense of gratitude as a regular companion on your creative path? Would you feel any different?

Many of the self-help gurus will tell you today that gratitude will create abundance in your life. The problem is that they promise wealth and health in every area of life including the physical plane, which distracts from the true intention of gratitude. Gratitude is given freely and openly as a devotion, a meditation, and a way of living without expecting anything in return. The mere existence of gratitude in your life is the greatest gift we can receive and give.

The emotions that arise when you are in a state of gratitude eminent from the source of life and are filled with love. My guess is that anyone who cultivates a healthy dose of gratitude will feel better and more energized. And, creativity will become alive and animated in their lives. Give it a try, keep a journal that reminds you what you are grateful for in your life, and actively meditate with the energy of gratitude.

Here is a video-poem entitled, Gratitude is

Here is another video for your enjoyment – I always feel gratitude when I hear it – What A Wonderful World, by Louis Armstrong. I like this video because of the cute animal pictures.

Friday Check-In

Hello #writerlbsOff folks and everyone else stopping by for a visit.  I hope you are doing well and keeping your resolutions in sight. As time goes by, it is easy to fall back into old habits. We get so busy, another “should” can feel like too much. But if you are aware of your busy life and seek to do something small for yourself each day, then you are still on track for change.

Let’s chat about how we are doing this week. Write about how your week progressed or any thoughts you have about discontented thoughts and gratitude in the comments below or on Twitter.


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18 responses to “The Writer’s Life: Always Discontented?”

  1. Anne, somehow you always post blogs that resonate with my life at the moment, and this one is no exception. You offer lots of thought-provoking words here, as usual, as well as leaving us with the warm fuzzies.
    I was beginning to feel a bit down about my writing these past few days, trying to work on that novel and feeling I’m getting no where, then feeling guilty for wasting that time trying to create when I could’ve been socializing on Twitter. Then, just this morning, I got an email from Adriana Trigiani, (the author I met a couple weeks ago), telling me how great my work is, and even giving me her agent’s address and practically demanding I send a query to her. Needless to say, I was beside myself with excitement, and a renewed sense of confidence in my abilities. That’s where the gratefulness comes in. I am so thankful for her kindness – she didn’t have to take the time to write me, much less tell me how much she likes my work. And thanks to you so much for always lifting my spirits!

    Let’s break open some champagne! 🙂

    1. Deanna,

      Wow, wow, and wow. That is a lot of encouragement you got from Adriana! I am just starting her book, Stone Gap. It is amazing how she brings that small town to life – I love that kind of story.

      I say go for it and take her advice! You never know where it will lead!

      Congrats! And I will join you in some champagne!!

  2. Lovely post and timely for me, too. I’m finding I feel most discontent when I’m on the verge of a new story idea or healing breakthrough. And thanks to your post, I’ll try to remember to embrace these moments and push through them more often. Writing mercies to you! ~Amy

    1. Hi Amy, Thanks for your comments – I’m happy to see my post came to you at a good time. It’s great how the internet can deliver support and encouragement right when we need it. Happy writing to you with your new story ideas!

  3. This is a great piece. Can definitely relate to fear and discontentment. Been trying to shirk them both from me in 2010.

    This week has been a productive week, more or less. Last weekend was my Weekend Write (one weekend a month, I make SURE I write SOMETHING), so I wrote several articles last weekend, and over the course of the week, I’ve written more articles.

    As for health, I took an assessment that was a definite eye-opener for me. I realize that I need to, MUST get in gear and do more moving to better my health and to lift my spirits.

    Don’t know how next week will go for me. Three school projects are due, and I’ll be busy coloring the daily growing gray hairs as I work on those projects, LOL

    1. Hi Shon,

      So lovely to see you! My you are a busy one! But, what a wonderfully productive weekend you had. That is great to set aside one weekend a month to write. When you are in grad school, all your time can get consumed. Good for you!

  4. I should have written: write to help “others” heal.

  5. I had an epiphany when I read your post. I am a healer by nature and trade. I’ve been a massage therapist, energy worker and hypnotherapist for nearly 20 years.

    I write becaue I find it is healing for me but, until now, I’ve never thought to write to heal. I must go meditate on this now. Thanks.

    1. Thanks Ronda, that is a wonderful thing – to be reading and something clicks inside! Yes, I agree, writing can be very healing to yourself and others!

  6. I appreciate this article, Anne. I try to use the ‘discontent’ productively. As you say, it’s normal, and you’re so right that feeling as though you have to “be fixed” only leads to unhappiness. The gratitude journal is a great idea too. With practice, I think it’s possible to become a more grateful person in general, to just keep your eyes open to the beauty all around. (LOVE the Armstrong song)

    1. Mark, thanks for commenting – I so agree with you about keeping your eyes open to the beauty all around. When you observe nature, people, your surroundings – your appreciation of beauty in small things creates that feeling of gratitude and there is no space for discontent in those moments. I think you have mentioned my favorite way to feel gratitude!!

  7. This is such a well thought out and well put together article, Anne. You are so right about how easy it is to fall into the circle of discontentment. I think your gratitude notebook is spot on. I’ve personally never been good about keeping lists of this or that. What I do is try to put things around me that remind me to be grateful. For example, I LOVE fuzzy socks, putting on fuzzy socks and loving the way they feel remind me that the world isn’t so bad. Also, I used to have a pair of finches that were content to sit in their cage and sing, flap their wings and spit seeds out of the cage (lol). If they could be happy and content in their tiny cage, then I could be in my uncaged life. I appreciate the time and effort you put in these posts. You are such a giver. 😉

    1. Jodi, thanks for your comments. I think that is a brilliant idea – putting things near you and around that remind you of gratitude!

      You must be psychic – I had pictures of birds, both caged and uncaged, and was going to use that as a theme in the post, but am saving it for something else. Very interesting you bring that up.

  8. I think my week was in a holding pattern. I had sick kids and just maintained life best I could. I didn’t think I would be able to get any writing done, but pulled off what I could yesterday.

    Our weather has finally turned the corner with an entire week above 40. I hope it stays that way long enough to thaw the snow. I forgot what the ground looks like. I am dreaming of walking outside again when the kids are well, should be very soon.

    I have more admiration than ever for the FridayFlash bunch – I like to refer to them as online writer ninja’s. It takes so much effort to produce a story each week and read dozens more. I have learned so much by participating. And I realize it will be a miracle to keep up even every other week. I have projects that I never get to in order to maintain my website and FridayFlash. So, one of the goals I am struggling with is to increase my writing output and still improve the quality of my writing.

    I wrote this post first and foremost for myself because I wanted to find encouragement to deal with those ever-present voices. It did help!

  9. Great post, Anne! There is much to chew on there. I’ll try substituting it for the Thin Mints! 🙂

    It’s been so cold that my motivation has slipped, but now I’ll try harder after reading this.

    1. Thanks Laura, the weather is such an influencer. I hope you warm up soon!

      And, that is really a compliment if you are willing to chew on what I wrote rather than Thin Mints!!

  10. What a wonderful post, Anne!

    Making a friend out of a incorrectly perceived enemy is wise, especially since that new friendship lifts rather than diminishes.

    In addition to self-criticism and self-doubt, I can add “fear” to the mix. After I write something (with great effort, no story/words flowing quickly or easily for me) I like it at first. Then, later, I feel that I’m a fraud, and don’t belong in the “writer” category.

    But I will cultivate true gratitude and, along with acceptance/friendship of discontent, I should be on better terms with it all!

    In other news, feel quite energized and determined about healthy walks and eating habits. This weekend will get back on track! And I plan to stay there this time.

    Thanks for this!

    1. Marisa,

      Thanks Marisa! You are so right, fear is actually the underlying emotion to discontent & self-criticism- very astute!

      So glad to hear you are feeling energized and determined – how wonderful! I know I am looking forward to more sun, that always helps!

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