Living With Live Wires

Our society thinks it is wonderful to reward athletes, musicians, actors, and artists.  Entire industiries spend billions of dollars on these fields.  But what about the intellectually gifted?  They get mixed messages.

It’s good to be smart . . . as long as you’re not too smart.  Too smart makes you a nerd, an egghead, and a teacher-pleaser.  It can even make you a target for suspicion, resentment, and open hostility.  

It’s good to get high grades . . as long as you don’t talk about them.  That’s bragging, and besides, you might injure someone else’s self-esteem.  

It’s good to score high on tests . . as long as you keep this fact to yourself, or within your small circle of similarly brainy friends. When Gifted Kids Don’t Have All the Answers, Jim Delisle, Ph.D., & Judy Galbraith, M.A. (2002).

It seems the only time it is “cool” to look smart is when you are applying for college.  So many services help students score higher on tests and write superior essays to get admitted to desireable colleges.  Everyone seems to brag when they get into a prestigious school, but what about the rest of the time?  Is being smart only desireable when it can get you what you want?

It’s the mixed messages and skewed perceptions of giftedness that make the label more of a burden than a blessing.  It’s the insensitive, uninformed comments from teachers, peers, and/or parents that make gifted kids want to downplay, deny, or hide their giftedness. When Gifted Kids Don’t Have All the Answers, Jim Delisle, Ph.D., & Judy Galbraith, M.A. (2002).

Some educators believe that “bright children don’t need any special help; after all, they already have so many things going for them.  The reality is that gifted children’s educational needs arise directly from their strengths; it is precisely because these children are rapid and advanced learners that they need specialized learning opportunities.  They are exceptional children, and they need exceptional services in the same way that children with learning difficulties are exceptional children and need special services and attention.  A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, James T. Webb, et.al. (2007).

It is most often up to the parent to educate themselves and advocate for the best educational alternatives for their gifted children.  Each school has different options, from differentiated classrooms, acceleration, grade-skipping, cluster grouping, enrichment in the classroom and in resource rooms, and self-contained full-time gifted programs.  Some states allow children to go to school part-time and to homeschool part-time.  Some families choose to homeschool full-time.

The research that goes into deciding how to educate your gifted child can be overwhelming.  And, you may need to evaluate your choice on an ongoing basis to determine whether your current plan is still working.  

…there is a general ambivalence in our schools and in society about gifted children, and they are often criticized for the very things that make them what they are (sensitive, intense, etc.).  Both at home and at school, they hear, “You’re too sensitive! You’re too intense!  You have a strange sense of humor! Do you always have to be creative?  Why do you have to question every rule?”  What is a child to make of criticisms like these?  He may believe these messages and decide that something is wrong with him.     Webb, et. al. (2007)  A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.

You may appreciate your gifted child’s advanced abilities, but it can be difficult and challenging to have a child that is always outside the norm.  Parenting books describing “normal” behavior for most children usually don’t fit gifted children.  They seem to be on a developmental path all their own.  Many gifted children reach developmental milestones much earlier than most children.  They may have one or more subjects in school that they are learning much faster than those in the middle of the learning curve.  Gifted children often process logical thinking and abstract ideas at a younger age.  And, they react to stimuli with more sensitivity.

To help and support a gifted child, it is vitally important to realize that they ARE thoroughly different, they are not just smarter than other kids.  Next, you must understand HOW they are different, because gifted children are vastly different from each other as well.

Oftentimes a gifted child is far above the normal development curve in one or more areas.  If you are to follow traditional advice in parenting books, you will not find help in the section that speaks to your child’s chronological age.  Your child may be ahead in some academic areas, at grade level in others and maybe behind in social and emotional development.  This is the definition of asynchonous development.

If you seek help from educators who are not experienced with giftedness, they may say,

 ”Your child is a child first, and the giftedness is secondary and only a part of him.”  But the giftedness is integral to the child; it affects everything he thinks, feels, says, and does.  It is a key to who he is. A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, James T. Webb, Ph.D., et.al., (2007).

You cannot separate out the gifted aspects of your child.   They are not a child with gifted tendencies, they ARE a gifted child with a complex set of unique traits and special needs.  All of which do not fit neatly into the normal development curve.  

Once you fully accept that your child is gifted and that they will always be unique, you can see them for the wonderful, amazing child that they are.  Together, you can embark on a journey of self-discovery and learning together.

Some people believe that everyone is”gifted.”  They think that everyone is “special” in some way.  Everyone is special and should be valued as such.  There should not be any class of people that are valued or de-valued more than others in terms of human worth.  Using the term “gifted” is NOT a value judgement.  It is not a class distinction.  It is a term used to describe individuals who fall above the normal developmental and intelligence curves. 

Most gifted individuals show advanced intelligence, a high degree of creativity and/or heightened sensitivities.  

In terms of intelligence, if you look at the normal bell-shaped curve, you will see that,

… two-thirds of all people have an IQ score that falls in the average range, with IQ scores from 85 to 115.  About 3% (those with an IQ score of 130 or above) may be considered gifted, and a much smaller percentage are considered highly gifted (IQ scores near 145).  A still smaller percentage would be classified as profoundly gifted, typically those who score at the top one-tenth of 1% (150-160).  Webb, et.al. (2007) A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.

IQ scores only tell a small portion of the picture with gifted individuals.  

The behaviors of gifted children are very significant and indicative of the child’s high ability.  One cannot assume that children with similar IQ scores have similar personalities, interests, abilities, or temperaments.  Webb, et.al. (2007) A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.

There are many gifted children who have talents other than mathematical, scientific, or reading, which are easier to identify in the school setting.  Some children exibit high athletic, music or art abilities.  Some children have intuitive, emotional sensitivity or advanced spiritual development.

In addition to intellectual abilities and creative talents, heightened sensitivites and intensities are a key marker for gifted children.  

Gifted children take in information from the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children.  They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.  Susan Daniels and Michael Piechowski. (2009) Living With Intensity.

What defines a child as gifted is not so much one single characteristic, but a constellation of several defining characteristics and traits, that when taken together, show a pattern that is outside the norm.  I will spend a great deal of time discussing the difference, sensitivites and intensities of gifted individuals. These unique characteristics are the source of the greatest potential and are often the source of greatest distress for gifted children and their parents.

Check out this list and see if you can identify the myths about gifted children.

-Gifted children are usually gifted in all academic areas.

-Giftedness is wholly inborn.

-Giftedness is entirely a matter of hard work.

-All children are gifted.

-Children become gifted because their parents push them.

-Gifted children will become eminent adults.

-Gifted children seldom have learning handicaps.

-Gifted children are not aware that they are somehow different than others.

-If you tell gifted children they have advanced abilities, they will become egotistical.

-Gifted children will show their abilities and talents in their school achievement.

-Gifted children are usually well-organized and have good study skills.

-Gifted children will only fulfill their potential if they receive continual pressure.

-Gifted children’s emotional maturity is as advanced as their intellect.

-Gifted children seldom have emotional or interpersonal issues.

-Gifted children enjoy demonstrating their talents and abilities for others.

-Families always value their gifted children’s advanced abilities, intensity, and sensitivity.

-Gifted children are easier to raise than most children.

-Parents cannot identify giftedness in their own children.

-Educators will know exactly how to work with gifted children.

All of the statements represent myths that are commonly held regarding gifted children.  Webb, et.al. (2007), A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, lists these myths and states, 

The prevalence of these myths and the lack of accurate information about gifted children is a major reason that gifted children’s needs are not recognized or given much attention in our schools and our society.

If you have a gifted child, you have a special task to help your child understand why they feel different and to support them in their social and emotional needs.  It will take great persistence to advocate for your child within the school system and maybe even with your own family members and friends.  These myths are still out there in our society and it is up to each parent to help dispell the myths whenever possible to create an environment that is supportive to the needs of your gifted child.

Remember, most reactions from others come from a place of misunderstanding and ignorance of giftedness.  It is best to start from a place of patience and educate others about the correct perceptions about giftedness and about the unique needs of your child as the situation warrants.

Dispelling myths about giftedness and learning to advocate for your child will be ongoing themes on this website and in the podcast.