Have any of those characteristics been used to describe your child?  

You may have a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC).  High sensitivity is not a disorder it is an inherited trait.  It is common for gifted children to have high sensitivities. And, it is often high sensitivity that is the primary trait in a child that is often misdiagnosed as problems stemming from introversion, anxiety, fearfulness, sensitivity to physical, emotional and social stimuli.  Most parents don’t know about the trait of high sensitivity and may have assumed there was something wrong with your child.  It can require a lot of attention and accomodation to parent a highly sensitive child and most traditional parent books offer advice that may cause more problems with these children.  When parents and teachers understand the characteristics of highly sensitive children and how they should be guided differently, then many negative labels can be avoided.

High sensitivity may be more common than you think.  Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., wrote a wonderful parenting book called, The Highly Sensitive Child (2002).  She is a clinical psychologist, a researcher, and is personally a highly sensitive individual.  She states that high sensitivity is found in about 15 to 20 percent of children, equally found in boys and girls.  It is an innate trait that is part of you for your entire life.   She defines it as:

Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively.  As a result, sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious (they are aware of the effects of a misdeed, and so are less likely to commit one).  They are also more easily overwhelmed by “high volume” or large quantities of input arriving at once.  They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid or “party poopers.”  When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem “easily upset” and “too sensitive.”

The expression of the sensitivites can be moderated by responsive parenting and regulation of stimulation and environmental aggravations.  Aron states, Both my research and the research of others indicate that it is primarily parenting that decides whether the expression of sensitivity will be an advantge or a source of anxiety.  So, there is hope, and for all the parents who have sensitive children and thought they were just maladjusted, you can relax and learn how amazing they really are.

I am a highly sensitive person who grew up in a family that was not highly sensitive.  I have personally experienced the heavy burden of labels and negative views that can abound in the life of a highly sensitive person.  I also have a highly sensitive child that I am learning to parent in an entirely new way from much of the traditional advice.  Each developmental phase that my child enters requires re-evaluation and re-thinking as to the best ways to manage overstimulation and cultivate his sensitivites as strengths. 

Join me in the next post to take a quiz to see if your child is highly sensitive.