Living With Live Wires

Introversion

Although some gifted children are extroverts, more often they are introverted when compared with typical children. When you combine introversion with the frequent lack of fit between gifted children and their age peers ( in terms of interests, skills, knowledge, sensitivity, and intensity), it is not surprising that gifted children, particularly those who are highly gifted, find that they have little in common with their age peers.

Introverts are not likely to approach new children; they are more likely to wait for others to initiate friendships. They need time to observe a situation before joining in and don’t feel the need for as many friends as extroverts do.  (Webb)

Peer Relationships

Every child – gifted or not – wants to feel connected with others. We learn from others how they think or do things, we compare our perceptions of the world with theirs, and we develop a sense of whether we are valued.

Peer relationships are issues for almost every gifted child. Because their interests and behaviors are often unusual and different from age peers, they may find few peers of their own age in their school or neighborhood. Gifted children with unusually high intellectual abilities, intensities, and sensitivities can have even more difficulties finding friends among children their age.  (Webb)

Challenging Values and Traditions

Webb states that gifted children, with their quick minds, logic, and ability to see more than one way to do things, can get into trouble for challenging tradition.

Telling a teacher that she is mistaken breaks tradition; customarily, adults are supposed to know more than children. But since incorrect information bothers gifted children to the core of their being and creates major discomfort, they feel that they must comment to reduce their stress about the situation.

Gifted children’s perfectionism, exacting nature, literal interpretation of events, and concern for truth and justice – especially in those who are auditory-sequential learners – motivate their strong reactions. Older children may be able to handle these situations more diplomatically by talking with the teacher after class rather than challenging her during class, but their reaction is still intense. Their moral sense and need for truth and justice are so strong that they must be addressed in the moment. (Webb)

We strive to find balance in our lives, and our gifted children must do the same. On the one hand, we want them to be creative, because that is where innovation and progress come from. On the other hand, there are times when we want them to respect tradition.

Stress is a part of life; you cannot avoid it. Life consists of change, and change results in stress. When stress is severe, we don’t function as well as we normally do. We may doubt our ability to cope with the situation at hand, or even to manage ourselves. Feelings of anxiety and discomfort arise. If we see no solutions or alternatives, we can experience a major stress reaction that inhibits our ability to function effectively. If a feeling of helplessness or hopelessness accompanies the stress, depression can result.

This is often the experience of gifted children through different stages of their lives. Although extreme stress is harmful, some stress is beneficial. Stress motivates us to do our best. We need to be challenged.

Fortunately, most gifted children begin setting challenges for themselves at an early age, although they sometimes set unrealistic standards for themselves and others. With guidance, they can learn to adjust standards to realistic levels.

Webb states, long-term studies with a wide range of people over a period of more than 50 years have documented that the way in which individual handle stress predicts whether or not they will reach their potential. In the same way that academic ability can be cultivated so can many components of resilience and stress management.

Stress can be supported with creative strategies.

The intensity and sensitivity of gifted children spreads through everything they do – their everyday interactions with others, their reactions to events, and even their attitudes toward themselves. Gifted children seem to have an extra emotional sensor, or a special awareness, that picks up the slightest emotions. The attitudes and actions of others can be a major source of stress for them.  (Webb et. al, 2007)

Intensity and sensitivity are certainly assets for gifted children, but they can also be liabilities and sometimes cause emotional stress. On the positive side of sensitivity, these children often show advanced empathy and compassion.

Intensity goes with being gifted and usually includes a very active imagination.

Behaviors of gifted children are not always perceived as positive. Many of the traits of giftedness have both negative and positive aspects, depending on the situation, circumstances, or one’s point of view.

For example, the other side of high verbal ability is that the child talks or reads incessantly.

The other side of being idealistic and perfectionistic is that the child is often judgmental of others, finding hypocrisy everywhere he looks.

The other side of curiosity is that the child is forever asking questions – the the point at which adults may be annoyed and just want him to stop.

A child who questions a (teacher’s) way of doing things can simply have a curious mind and is looking for deeper answers. A child who is not willing to do things the traditional way is typically one who has divergent thinking ability and creativity. When their common traits are misunderstood, some gifted children can look extreme and negative to others.

As seen from Dabrowski’s viewpoint, these children are trying to resolve inner conflicts with what is happening in their world and what they think should be happening.

The characteristics of a gifted child cannot be removed; they are an integral part of that child. When these characteristics are criticized by others and portrayed as negative, gifted children learn to hide their giftedness, which is a great cost to the child.

Susan Daniels and Michael Peichowski, in Living with Intensity, state that:

Our highly excitable children’s drive for perfect performance is where their intellectual intensity intersects with their emotional development. The field of gifted education is replete with means to accommodate children’s intellectual needs, but a child’s intellectual overexcitability signals a need for more holistic supportive responses form parents and teachers – ones that encompass and nurture their affective and emotional development, self-concept, self-esteem, and self-discipline as well.

Perfectionism in the pursuit of excellence can be a valuable driving force. A healthy pursuit of excellence means doing the best you can with the time and tools you have, and then moving on. Unhealthy perfectionism leaves one continually dissatisfied, as the work is never “good enough.”

A significant number of gifted children, perhaps as many as 20% suffer from perfectionism to the degree that is creates problems for them.

Also important to promote creative thinking are strategies that impact the development of emotional, social and motivational skills in gifted children.

It is important to note that with children who are experiencing crises, an overall action plan is advised and professional help may be required.

What I am suggesting  here, are not interventions to use when there are severe problems, but rather, creative strategies that have an impact on the modulation of challenges with gifted children that can be integrated into the current curriculum and classroom structure.

This may sound unusual at first, to use strategies designed to enhance creativity to modulate social, emotional and motivational challenges of gifted children, but I think you will see that it makes sense.  With all the competing needs on your time, I think it is best to multi-task when you can.

Among these challenges are:  Perfectionism, Intensity, and Stress