Comments on: “Calming Beans” the Time-out alternative http://livingwithlivewires.com/family-life-unleashed/in-close-quarters/sorting-beans-time-out-alternative Freeing Potential in Bright, Creative & Emerging Families Mon, 04 Jul 2011 10:11:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Mark http://livingwithlivewires.com/family-life-unleashed/in-close-quarters/sorting-beans-time-out-alternative/comment-page-1#comment-13 Mark Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:15:25 +0000 http://livingwithlivewires.com/?p=456#comment-13 Very interesting. Almost (I stress ALMOST) makes me wish I still had young 'uns in the house to try it out on. Very interesting. Almost (I stress ALMOST) makes me wish I still had young ‘uns in the house to try it out on.

]]> By: livewire http://livingwithlivewires.com/family-life-unleashed/in-close-quarters/sorting-beans-time-out-alternative/comment-page-1#comment-6 livewire Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:50:53 +0000 http://livingwithlivewires.com/?p=456#comment-6 Tantrums from four-year olds are definitely one of the big parenting challenges, and with gifted children who may have emotional overexcitablilites, it can can get overwhelming for parents. It is often better to plan new techniques when everyone is calm. I had my own intense four-year old boy that challenged me to get creative in my parenting and we did use the calming beans for a couple years very successfully. However, the calming beans technique had to be part of a comprehensive effort on our part, not an isolated solution. Using the beans or sorting playing cards were my son's choice for learning to calm down on his own, as opposed to time-outs. He was able to stay in the room with the rest of the family as long as he was sorting his beans, which met his need of not being isolated and developing more feelings of desperation. He could choose to not do his sorting beans at the moment (sitting without disturbing others), but he was not allowed to play or do other activities until he sorted one bowl. That was my cue that he was indeed calm enough to go on with other activities. I was also careful to describe his calming activities as just that – calming activities that he was choosing to do to help himself control his emotions (as decided in his action plan made during calmer times). It was not a punishment. We spent time discussing his needs and options for what to do when he was calm so we could create an action plan together. You bring up a topic of interest to many parents, including a group of parents that were talking recently at a meeting my husband was attending. And, since I don't know your specific situation or what causes your daughter to have tantrums, I have provided some general ideas for you and the other parents to consider in developing a more comprehensive action plan for handling four-year old tantrums in a the following blog entries: <a href="http://livingwithlivewires.com/lwlw/dealing-with-tantrums-of-four-year-olds-part-1" rel="nofollow">Dealing with Tantrums of Four-Year Olds- part 1 </a> <a href="http://livingwithlivewires.com/lwlw/dealing-with-tantrums-of-four-year-olds-part-2" rel="nofollow">Dealing with Tantrums of Four-Year Olds – part 2 </a> Tantrums from four-year olds are definitely one of the big parenting challenges, and with gifted children who may have emotional overexcitablilites, it can can get overwhelming for parents. It is often better to plan new techniques when everyone is calm.

I had my own intense four-year old boy that challenged me to get creative in my parenting and we did use the calming beans for a couple years very successfully. However, the calming beans technique had to be part of a comprehensive effort on our part, not an isolated solution. Using the beans or sorting playing cards were my son’s choice for learning to calm down on his own, as opposed to time-outs. He was able to stay in the room with the rest of the family as long as he was sorting his beans, which met his need of not being isolated and developing more feelings of desperation.

He could choose to not do his sorting beans at the moment (sitting without disturbing others), but he was not allowed to play or do other activities until he sorted one bowl. That was my cue that he was indeed calm enough to go on with other activities. I was also careful to describe his calming activities as just that – calming activities that he was choosing to do to help himself control his emotions (as decided in his action plan made during calmer times). It was not a punishment. We spent time discussing his needs and options for what to do when he was calm so we could create an action plan together.

You bring up a topic of interest to many parents, including a group of parents that were talking recently at a meeting my husband was attending. And, since I don’t know your specific situation or what causes your daughter to have tantrums, I have provided some general ideas for you and the other parents to consider in developing a more comprehensive action plan for handling four-year old tantrums in a the following blog entries:

Dealing with Tantrums of Four-Year Olds- part 1

Dealing with Tantrums of Four-Year Olds – part 2

]]> By: Kim http://livingwithlivewires.com/family-life-unleashed/in-close-quarters/sorting-beans-time-out-alternative/comment-page-1#comment-3 Kim Wed, 21 Jan 2009 04:25:26 +0000 http://livingwithlivewires.com/?p=456#comment-3 I love the calming beans idea and had heard of it about 6mths ago. I was at my wits end with my gifted and VERY spirited daughter (just turned 4.) Well I tried the beans.... and needless to say, I spent the remainder of the day cleaning up the beans scattered all over the floor. She's really intense immediately took the container of beans and threw them all over the room instead of sorting. I love the calming beans idea and had heard of it about 6mths ago. I was at my wits end with my gifted and VERY spirited daughter (just turned 4.) Well I tried the beans…. and needless to say, I spent the remainder of the day cleaning up the beans scattered all over the floor. She’s really intense immediately took the container of beans and threw them all over the room instead of sorting.

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