Living With Live Wires

For the “normal” tantrums, follow the traditional advice.  But, if you are experiencing a spill-over tantrum with your spirited child, a few other strategies are needed. 

Mary Sheedy Kurchinka (2006), in Raising Your Spirited Child, states:

A spill-over tantrum can’t be stopped by ignoring it because your child is dealing with a tempermental issue that has triggered a physical reaction and sent him squarely into the red zone.  Your child needs you to help him discover the source of the emotional flood and stop it.  He needs your direction to help him calm himself and regain self-control.  Without that direction, he can rage for hours because his inner restrtaints have busted, letting loose a hurricane of wild emotions.

How do you begin to handle spill-over tantrums since they can begin in infancy and continue throughout childhood?

Identify Triggers and Keep Your Cool

Kurchinka continues,

It’s much easier to keep your cool when you can quickly identify the reason for the spill-over tantrum.

Identify Peak Times 

Kurchinka advises parents to keep track of the times that there children tend to have more tantrums.  It could be a day of the week, or a particular time of day.  Late afternoons are prime time for melt-downs after a full day of stimulating activity.  Also check for times when your own stress is high. Kids go through developmental surges when change in their bodies can be rapid.  Check around the time of their birthday and their half birthday for times when they are more cranky and uncooperative.  Check for difficulties during transition times, such as getting up and getting out of the house.  And, be aware of empty energy banks.  Introverts may need more time alone to recharge, and extroverts may need more time to play with friends.  

I know from my own experience that it can be crucial to make sure your child is fed on a regular schedule to avoid low blood sugar. Activity levels may need to be adjusted to avoid overstimulation.  It is a common practice of some parents to have their kids run around to burn off extra energy.  But with intense spirited children, you may be fueling the fire and setting them up for more stimulation.  It may look like your child is relaxing while they are watching TV, but TV and video-games may be adding more fuel to the overstimulating fire.  

Engage your best observational skills and see if you can identify triggers.  The first defense against tantrums is to try and prevent, or modulate their intensity before they get out of control.

What if your child is already into a spill-over tantrum?  Check out part 2 and part 3 of this series.