Introversion

Although some gifted children are extroverts, more often they are introverted when compared with typical children. When you combine introversion with the frequent lack of fit between gifted children and their age peers ( in terms of interests, skills, knowledge, sensitivity, and intensity), it is not surprising that gifted children, particularly those who are highly gifted, find that they have little in common with their age peers.

Introverts are not likely to approach new children; they are more likely to wait for others to initiate friendships. They need time to observe a situation before joining in and don’t feel the need for as many friends as extroverts do.  (Webb)

Peer Relationships

Every child – gifted or not – wants to feel connected with others. We learn from others how they think or do things, we compare our perceptions of the world with theirs, and we develop a sense of whether we are valued.

Peer relationships are issues for almost every gifted child. Because their interests and behaviors are often unusual and different from age peers, they may find few peers of their own age in their school or neighborhood. Gifted children with unusually high intellectual abilities, intensities, and sensitivities can have even more difficulties finding friends among children their age.  (Webb)

Challenging Values and Traditions

Webb states that gifted children, with their quick minds, logic, and ability to see more than one way to do things, can get into trouble for challenging tradition.

Telling a teacher that she is mistaken breaks tradition; customarily, adults are supposed to know more than children. But since incorrect information bothers gifted children to the core of their being and creates major discomfort, they feel that they must comment to reduce their stress about the situation.

Gifted children’s perfectionism, exacting nature, literal interpretation of events, and concern for truth and justice – especially in those who are auditory-sequential learners – motivate their strong reactions. Older children may be able to handle these situations more diplomatically by talking with the teacher after class rather than challenging her during class, but their reaction is still intense. Their moral sense and need for truth and justice are so strong that they must be addressed in the moment. (Webb)

We strive to find balance in our lives, and our gifted children must do the same. On the one hand, we want them to be creative, because that is where innovation and progress come from. On the other hand, there are times when we want them to respect tradition.

Susan Daniels and Michael Peichowski, in Living with Intensity, state that:

Our highly excitable children’s drive for perfect performance is where their intellectual intensity intersects with their emotional development. The field of gifted education is replete with means to accommodate children’s intellectual needs, but a child’s intellectual overexcitability signals a need for more holistic supportive responses form parents and teachers – ones that encompass and nurture their affective and emotional development, self-concept, self-esteem, and self-discipline as well.

Perfectionism in the pursuit of excellence can be a valuable driving force. A healthy pursuit of excellence means doing the best you can with the time and tools you have, and then moving on. Unhealthy perfectionism leaves one continually dissatisfied, as the work is never “good enough.”

A significant number of gifted children, perhaps as many as 20% suffer from perfectionism to the degree that is creates problems for them.