Living With Live Wires

Some people believe that everyone is”gifted.”  They think that everyone is “special” in some way.  Everyone is special and should be valued as such.  There should not be any class of people that are valued or de-valued more than others in terms of human worth.  Using the term “gifted” is NOT a value judgement.  It is not a class distinction.  It is a term used to describe individuals who fall above the normal developmental and intelligence curves. 

Most gifted individuals show advanced intelligence, a high degree of creativity and/or heightened sensitivities.  

In terms of intelligence, if you look at the normal bell-shaped curve, you will see that,

… two-thirds of all people have an IQ score that falls in the average range, with IQ scores from 85 to 115.  About 3% (those with an IQ score of 130 or above) may be considered gifted, and a much smaller percentage are considered highly gifted (IQ scores near 145).  A still smaller percentage would be classified as profoundly gifted, typically those who score at the top one-tenth of 1% (150-160).  Webb, et.al. (2007) A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.

IQ scores only tell a small portion of the picture with gifted individuals.  

The behaviors of gifted children are very significant and indicative of the child’s high ability.  One cannot assume that children with similar IQ scores have similar personalities, interests, abilities, or temperaments.  Webb, et.al. (2007) A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.

There are many gifted children who have talents other than mathematical, scientific, or reading, which are easier to identify in the school setting.  Some children exibit high athletic, music or art abilities.  Some children have intuitive, emotional sensitivity or advanced spiritual development.

In addition to intellectual abilities and creative talents, heightened sensitivites and intensities are a key marker for gifted children.  

Gifted children take in information from the world around them; they react and respond more quickly and intensely than other children.  They are stimulated both by what’s going on around them and by what moves them from within.  Susan Daniels and Michael Piechowski. (2009) Living With Intensity.

What defines a child as gifted is not so much one single characteristic, but a constellation of several defining characteristics and traits, that when taken together, show a pattern that is outside the norm.  I will spend a great deal of time discussing the difference, sensitivites and intensities of gifted individuals. These unique characteristics are the source of the greatest potential and are often the source of greatest distress for gifted children and their parents.

Have any of those characteristics been used to describe your child?  

You may have a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC).  High sensitivity is not a disorder it is an inherited trait.  It is common for gifted children to have high sensitivities. And, it is often high sensitivity that is the primary trait in a child that is often misdiagnosed as problems stemming from introversion, anxiety, fearfulness, sensitivity to physical, emotional and social stimuli.  Most parents don’t know about the trait of high sensitivity and may have assumed there was something wrong with your child.  It can require a lot of attention and accomodation to parent a highly sensitive child and most traditional parent books offer advice that may cause more problems with these children.  When parents and teachers understand the characteristics of highly sensitive children and how they should be guided differently, then many negative labels can be avoided.

High sensitivity may be more common than you think.  Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., wrote a wonderful parenting book called, The Highly Sensitive Child (2002).  She is a clinical psychologist, a researcher, and is personally a highly sensitive individual.  She states that high sensitivity is found in about 15 to 20 percent of children, equally found in boys and girls.  It is an innate trait that is part of you for your entire life.   She defines it as:

Highly sensitive individuals are those born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively.  As a result, sensitive people, both children and adults, tend to be empathic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious (they are aware of the effects of a misdeed, and so are less likely to commit one).  They are also more easily overwhelmed by “high volume” or large quantities of input arriving at once.  They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid or “party poopers.”  When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem “easily upset” and “too sensitive.”

The expression of the sensitivites can be moderated by responsive parenting and regulation of stimulation and environmental aggravations.  Aron states, Both my research and the research of others indicate that it is primarily parenting that decides whether the expression of sensitivity will be an advantge or a source of anxiety.  So, there is hope, and for all the parents who have sensitive children and thought they were just maladjusted, you can relax and learn how amazing they really are.

I am a highly sensitive person who grew up in a family that was not highly sensitive.  I have personally experienced the heavy burden of labels and negative views that can abound in the life of a highly sensitive person.  I also have a highly sensitive child that I am learning to parent in an entirely new way from much of the traditional advice.  Each developmental phase that my child enters requires re-evaluation and re-thinking as to the best ways to manage overstimulation and cultivate his sensitivites as strengths. 

Join me in the next post to take a quiz to see if your child is highly sensitive.

Check out this list and see if you can identify the myths about gifted children.

-Gifted children are usually gifted in all academic areas.

-Giftedness is wholly inborn.

-Giftedness is entirely a matter of hard work.

-All children are gifted.

-Children become gifted because their parents push them.

-Gifted children will become eminent adults.

-Gifted children seldom have learning handicaps.

-Gifted children are not aware that they are somehow different than others.

-If you tell gifted children they have advanced abilities, they will become egotistical.

-Gifted children will show their abilities and talents in their school achievement.

-Gifted children are usually well-organized and have good study skills.

-Gifted children will only fulfill their potential if they receive continual pressure.

-Gifted children’s emotional maturity is as advanced as their intellect.

-Gifted children seldom have emotional or interpersonal issues.

-Gifted children enjoy demonstrating their talents and abilities for others.

-Families always value their gifted children’s advanced abilities, intensity, and sensitivity.

-Gifted children are easier to raise than most children.

-Parents cannot identify giftedness in their own children.

-Educators will know exactly how to work with gifted children.

All of the statements represent myths that are commonly held regarding gifted children.  Webb, et.al. (2007), A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, lists these myths and states, 

The prevalence of these myths and the lack of accurate information about gifted children is a major reason that gifted children’s needs are not recognized or given much attention in our schools and our society.

If you have a gifted child, you have a special task to help your child understand why they feel different and to support them in their social and emotional needs.  It will take great persistence to advocate for your child within the school system and maybe even with your own family members and friends.  These myths are still out there in our society and it is up to each parent to help dispell the myths whenever possible to create an environment that is supportive to the needs of your gifted child.

Remember, most reactions from others come from a place of misunderstanding and ignorance of giftedness.  It is best to start from a place of patience and educate others about the correct perceptions about giftedness and about the unique needs of your child as the situation warrants.

Dispelling myths about giftedness and learning to advocate for your child will be ongoing themes on this website and in the podcast.

If you use the term “gifted” in reference to your children, or yourself, chances are you may get a negative reaction or a non-responsive reaction from others.  Why is this term so loaded with negative connotations?  

Let’s take a look at where the term originated.

It wasn’t until the early 1900s tht the general public be came interested in adapting education to those with more or less than average ability.  At that time, the French government commissioned psychologist Alfred Binet, who had developed a test to measure people’s “judgment” or “mental age,” to screen out those children who weren’t likely to benefit from a general education…Binet believed that intelligence is educable – that it can be learned, expanded, and improved.

In 1916, American psychologist Lewis Terman took Binet’s test to Stanford University in California and standardized it.  Ironically, the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale assumes that intelligence is fixed – that it can’t be learned, expanded, or improved…Terman was the first to use the term “gifted,” and his study was the most comprehensive long-term study of the gifted ever conducted.  Sally Walker, The Survival guide for Parents of Gifted Kids, (1991) .

Since that time, there have been a preponderance of myths related to people considered to be more intelligent, creative or ambitious.

Many people think that using the term “gifted” conveys elitism.  They think that if you consider one group of people to be “smarter” than others, that you are claiming superiority and special treatment.  This could NOT be further from the truth.  Giftedness is a real phenomenon of people who fall outside (above)  the normal development curve in one or more areas.   And thus, many have special emotional, psychological and social challenges.  And, most gifted individuals deal with intensities, sensitivities and overexcitabilities.  Many people who fall into the gifted category are not aware of the far-reaching impact of their uniquenesses.  Instead, they have been given messages by others that they are just, “too sensitive,”  ”too intense,”  ”to dramatic,” “too weird,” in other words, just not normal.

In the lanuage we use on this website and in the podcast, we will use the term “gifted” as a shorthand way of referring to the wildly diverse and amazingly unique people who fall outside the norm for potential in areas of intelligence, creativity, and talent.  Hopefully in the future we can all come up with a term that is not so emotionally-charged.  But for now, “gifted” is the most widely recognized term used in education and legislation and is the umbrella term that most people use to identify resources.  We will also use other terms, such as, “bright,” “creative, ” “high potential,” “accelerated learner,” or “talented.”  There doesn’t seem to be the ideal way of describing gifted children and adults, so we will just do the best we can with the most accepted terminology.

We continue with more recommendations by Mary Sheedy Kurchinka (2006), in Raising Your Spirited Child, to help parents deal with spill-over tantrums:

Talk About What’s Flooding Your Child

Use a Soft But Firm Voice

Make Sure Your Rules Are Clear

Clarify the Consequences

SPANKING DOESN’T WORK

Doing everything you can to prevent tantrums is always preferred.  And, involving the child in plans for the next episodes is even better.  Check with your child when they are calm to see if they are clear on the rules and consequences.  Ttry to keep your cool and use a soft, firm voice when talking to your child.  And, above all, never spank a spirited child. This will be extremely counter-productive and damaging to your child.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed them.